Reflections post 24hr birth support

A labor and birth I supported this week stretched me in ways I wasn’t prepared for, both emotionally and physically. I left the hospital, mom, dad, and baby all happy and healthy, and knowing I was going to need to offer myself a little more recovery than usual. 

After 24 hours of continuous in person support in the birth room and having come off of a night shift just prior to going to the hospital, I knew sleep was my immediate priority. I came home to my own happy toddler and nanny, took a quick shower, and headed straight to sleep. Six hours of deep, sweaty sleep later, and I woke to my alarm to quickly hop on a consultation call for birth support. I could have slept another 6 straight hours, but I knew I needed to eat and spend time with my own family. So for the next little bit, I did just that. I played with my son on the living room floor (helloooo horizontal parenting) and my wonderful husband cooked dinner. It was delicious (I don’t remember what it was but I know it was good). After my son was down for the night, I was determined to get back to some post birth support care for myself. I took another long, hot shower, and while washing my face afterwards, I paused and really let that exact moment sit with me. I took several cleansing breaths, and looked down at my bathroom counter. I realized, almost instantly, that everything I was doing to care for myself in that moment came from someone caring for me. My skincare routine, advised and supplied by my good friend and local esthetician. My eye masks, gifted to me from a client. The lip mask I was using, recommended to a friend when she noticed how dry my lips were. The book I was about to read in bed, recommended and purchased at my local bookstore. The tea steeping on my nightstand, made by my husband. My bodywork session on my calendar for the next day. My happy toddler asleep in his bed, loved and deeply cared for by our support system. 

In that exact moment of reflection, I realized something. Something that feels so intrinsic to humanity that I’m shocked I hadn’t noticed it before. Maybe it was locked away inside of me, because suddenly, it was there, clear as day. 

Care is cyclical. 

I am able to care for people in the birth and postpartum space because I have people that care for me in extremely meaningful ways, and because I care for them, they are able to care for themselves, their babies, and their partners. This shows up in every aspect of our lives, not just doula work, and that’s why I was so shocked to be only now coming to this realization. I’ve been sitting with it for a few days and the memory that keeps coming up for me is from my one summer at girl scout camp. We were all watching a movie and decided to do a massage train. I laugh at it now because we were 9 & 10, but really what was being communicated was the literal message, I got your back girl! How did I not see it before? 

I’m going through a bit of a rough season right now but have really been journaling and ruminating on this idea that care is cyclical. I’m hoping it will inspire and push me to persevere and push through how I'm feeling as of late, and I hope even more so that it will land somewhere deep within you as well.